What Not To Buy On Christmas

Friday, Aug 28, 2020, 9:04 am

By:Tony Williams

1.Coughing Screaming Dual Lung Ashtray

It coughs, it screams and it's funny, but even this won't deter the smoker in your life from smoking. In fact, it might even make them smoke more. Each time they flick an ash they can get a great chuckle out of it while they damage their lungs further in the process.

2.Bacon Wallet

Bringing home the bacon in a bacon wallet? Nice idea on paper, but in reality, yuk. Who would want to open this every day. You can almost smell it burning on the grill. Maybe a cute idea for a bacon lover on your list, but if they like bacon that much they might need a bacon intervention.

3.Hander Pants

No one wear tightie whities anymore, so why show them off on your hands. Unless you know someone who has an underwear fetish, these are not going to go over that well. Let's not encourage people to show off their underwear anymore than they have to. They're already wearing their pants around their knees.

4.Nothing

For those on your list who don't deserve a present, but you're stuck getting them something anyway, try this ... NOT. Unless you have a back up gift, I wouldn't give this to anyone. Sure it's funny, it's even cute and quirky, but in the end, once that little ball is opened, it's just a lot of air.

5.The Snuggie

Haven't we all wished this one would be dead by now? The Snuggie is still around and people everywhere will open one of these and grimace. Don't be one of those gift givers who thinks you found something really cool to give your niece or nephew. Are we all that lazy that we can't get up off the couch and wrap a blanket around us?

6.Plop Trumps

Okay, now this one is just crazy. How long can anyone look at these cards and not be sick to their stomach. Funny at first, but not a great gift. It looks like poop trumps, but which one. With all different kinds of poop pictured, you really have to like the potty to enjoy this one.

7.Maggie Thatcher Nut Cracker

Oh my Maggie, who knew your legs were that strong. Seeing nuts crumbling from under Maggie Thatcher's skirt is enough to make any man keel over. Not a great gift idea, but maybe for a hilarious prank. Place the nut between her legs, squeeze, and voila, you've got yourself some nice de-shelled holiday nuts.

8.Racing Grannies

Wind 'em up and let 'em go. Sounds like fun, but depends on who you're giving this gift to. If it's your grandmother who uses one of these walkers, she may not think it's that funny. In fact, pretty much no one would want to open this as a gift, unless it was a prank, and even then ... grannies? Leave those little old Ladies alone.

9.Teeth Rings by Polly van der Glas

Would you really want a ring made with teeth in it, real human teeth, that are not your own? Australian artist Polly van der Glas thinks you do. Her bizarre and strange looking rings are hand made of silver, with donated teeth implanted into the setting. Believing that teeth are beautiful inside and out of the mouth, there are a variety of teeth to choose from, including molars, incisors and wisdom teeth.

10.Nose Shower Gel Dispenser

How gross can you get? Green gel coming from a giant nose. Unless the recipient of this gift has a sense of humor, you might get the snot kicked out of you. Who wants to be showered in nose slime every morning, even if it is fake. The giant nose would scare anyone who is half asleep.

11.Smoking MIttens

Giving these gloves as a gift is only promoting cigarette smoking. Haven't you ever wondered how smokers stand outside in the cold, just to smoke? Or better yet, why do they stand out in the cold just to smoke. This bad habit has to go, and so do these gloves that make it easier to smoke year round.

12.Dream Griddle

Really? Would you want this next to your bed? Are we all too lazy to wait to get out of bed to eat? A great prank gift, but not something you really want to buy for Christmas ... for anyone. Sure the smell of bacon and eggs cooking in the morning brings you back to your childhood, but if you're that desperate move above a diner.

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