Lies Disney Movies Tell Us

Saturday, Aug 15, 2020, 4:37 pm

By:Mike Litzler

1.The past was so cute!

It's true that nobody ever claimed that Disney movies were history documentaries. But to a kid, this is as close as they will get to knowing the past. This probably means not understanding that the past was full of bloodshed, hatred and other messy things until they abandon the world of Disney.

2.Animal love is adorable!

Kids viewing Disney films learn that mice and ducks and bears and dogs falling in love is the most adorable thing in the world. But any parent whose kid stumbles across real animals caught in a not-so-adorable moment of love may have a little explaining to do.

3.Rodents are cute. Ducks are greedy

Every child remember this lesson learned from the Disney world. Mickey was adorable and so sweet and giving. While Donald was selfish and envious of Mickey's fame. To say nothing of Donald's distant relative the notorious miser Scrooge McDuck.

4.Everything is possible!

From talking animals to the complete destruction of all villains, the magical world of Disney is an awful lot of fun. But the real world, a world without Disney magic, can be something of a let down, for all those raised on Disney.

5.Racist stereotypes

While most of Disney's most vile depictions of racism are a thing of ancient history, most of them are still out there floating around on cable TV or Youtube waiting to be rediscovered by your kids. Some are downright shocking by today's standards, but by yesterday's they were just fine.

6.Music makes the pain go away!

Having a rough day? Need some cheering up? On the run from an evil witch hell-bent on destroying you? Then sing! Everything will get better at least as long as you keep singing. There's no way that advice could ever go wrong.

7.Want your dreams to come true? Wish on a star!

Jiminy Cricket sure had some wise words for our kids, didn't he? If you want something really bad, don't work hard to achieve it. Just close your eyes and wish for it. And you'll get it! Well, if you're in a Disney movie.

8.Villains always lose

The evil witches that populate Disney movies always get theirs in the end, don't you worry. But in real life Those crafty witches might wind up getting a book deal and a cameo appearance on How I Met Your Mother.

9.Love at first sight

I suppose love at first sight may occasionally happen in the real world. It's never happened to me. Or anyone I know. Or anyone I've heard of. But it seems to happen all the time in Disney films. Interesting...

10.Stay a kid forever!

It's nice to be a kid. But teaching kids that being a kid forever is a worthwhile goal, may not be the best plan if you'd like them to grow up someday and do lousy grown-up stuff like have a job, become a parent and move into their own homes.

11.Girls, wait for your Prince to come!

From Cinderella to Snow White to pretty much every other young lady in a Disney film, salvation comes when a dashing prince drops into their lives and suddenly makes everything okay because he's rich and powerful and can do all the stuff she can't because she's just a girl.

12.Pretty girls love the beast

In Disney's magical world, the pretty girls love the beasts because they can see past his hideous face and into his inner charm. Meanwhile the girls have to be pretty because the beasts lack the ability to see her inner charm.

13.Animals are our friends

In the complicated real world, animals are our friends -- sometimes. Other times they attempt to gnaw your legs off because you got too close to their offspring's nest. In Disney's world, animals can always be trusted to give us a hug or a song when we're feeling down.

14.Happy endings

Everybody seems to live happily ever after in Disney movies (except the villains). And nobody has any unfulfilled desires. It's probably not a great idea to teach kids that this is the way life works, unless you actually want them to spent their adult lives in tears.

15.LIndsay Lohan is a sweet girl with a bright future!

As a fresh-faced eleven-year-old Lohan looked too cute for words in Disney's remake of The Parent Trap. Ditto for her performance in Freaky Friday (also a Disney production) a few years later. These days, she's looking a little less adorable.

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