12 Hilarious Lesbian Jokes That Will Make You Cry With Laughter

We don't think we can come up with a better lesbian joke than this to begin this topic! Isn't this joke making sense perfectly? Now, what should that sick lesbian do to feel better again? Should she start swallowing those tiny pills of vitamin D?! Forget it; she won't do that. She may; However, fancy eating fish, drinking milk, and slurping juice to be healthy and empowered again! 

Much to Edward Cullen's relief (sorry Bella!), vampires don't lick the period blood. Our beloved Twilight author, Stephanie Meyer, once said in an interview that menstrual blood lacked the high potency that would keep a vampire alive. Do you think that was a valid elucidation? We don't think so! A vampire should see period discharge as well-aged wine - or Italian Sunday gravy. The best of all - the vampire can suck it right off a girl's fluffy, meaty, and luscious skin between her legs! Damn, these billionaire writers!

A lesbian couple I know can't afford to buy the double-headed dildo. They are really struggling to make their ends meet!  

Hey, "lesbi" honest! You didn't think you were going to read lesbian puns here, did you?! Now, let's talk about this "punny" joke. Poor lesbians should always remember this inspiring quote, "Anything's a dildo if you are brave enough!" Anyway, dildos aren't as pricey as those men's fleshlight toys. When there are no synthetic d*cks around, a finger still does the job for a girl! Guys? They just need to dip their tool in hot sauce to emulate penetration, which, we think, isn't a brilliant idea! 

FISH. A topic about lesbian or girl jokes is incomplete without using this word! Why do a lot of young men often mock women, referring them to a fish? The answer is simple. They do so because they expect lady-bits to smell like candies, but when they see one, those guys get disappointed by its natural odor! Remember folks; every girl has a unique smell down there. Most of them have an okay-dokey scent, but some stench like a hellhole of dead rats! 

Well, that was awkward! There's a lesson in this joke that every one of us needs to understand. Don't talk anything inappropriate when there are kids around. Imagine all embarrassment one has to deal with find themselves in such uncomfortable situations! 

Mark our words; we are going to see something like this for sure shortly! The term, homosexual, has become a highly offending one in the recent years. The words, gay and lesbian, are on their way to join the offending word dictionary too, as many gay people have started calling themselves queers! 

That's a funny joke, but let's now talk about men's obsession with lesbian porn. Interestingly, a lot of men enjoy watching lesbian sex videos! Do you know why? The so-called "sexperts" on the internet concludes that men love to be in charge of things in bed, and they hate it when they see another man doing that in a video. Do you agree with them? We believe guys like it because they get to see two "sets" of sexy things in action! 

We knew turkey basters are handy gadgets that help us do many kitchen things beyond basting meat but didn't realize they can be used as a dildo alternative! Girls, did you read this joke?! Hey, by the way, some time back, a woman named Joyce Bruce collected semen from her friend and impregnated herself by pumping sperm into her vagina with a turkey baster! The deal between the two was that Joyce would be the sole parent of the baby. She became pregnant, gave birth to a little boy, but failed to stop her friend and the baby's father, Robert Boardwine, from seeing her son. The court didn't agree to Joyce's claim that Robert had no parental rights over her child! 

The same joke also applies to straight men who go down on their girls! Straight girls, luckily, don't have to deal with this! The tip of a penis is far, far, away from the stinkhole! In contrast, the vagina and butthole are just separated by a thin layer of skin. Two golden rules to overcome the problem is, 1) don't attempt to go down on your girl when she has diarrhea. 2) deep-clean the area thoroughly just to make sure there won't be any sh*tty accidents! Should you need more info on that, do read our comprehensive article on backdoor sex! 

Well, she is called blonde lesbian for a reason! Like in all those blonde jokes we read, the blonde in this joke is too dumb to understand that a girl can't call herself a lesbian when she frequently hangs out and have sex with men. Such girl is referred to as a bi or a queer. Now, how about reading these dumb blonde jokes once you finish reading these lesbian jokes? They are hilarious! 

How do you know if a girl is lesbian? Notice her fingers! If she has at least two fingernails trimmed on either of her hands with rest of the nails being long, then the chances are high she is a lesbian! The step one to becoming a lesbian is trimming hand nails just the way girls want their boyfriends' fingernails to be. No sharp edges, please!